I was going through a wonderful book today Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the 21st Century by Carol Tuttle, a Master Energy Therapist and the author of best-selling books.
The author mentions that children need to be validated during six different emotional stages of their life. Knowing these six stages and what children need to hear during them will help parents be more successful in raising children that become emotionally healthy adults.
Children come into the world needing their parents to affirm and validate their worth. When this does not happen, we grow into adults who create codependent relationships in an effort to make others affirm and validate us.
If your children have grown out of some of these stages, it is still not too late. Our child energies are always a part of us. Even if you have adult children, ask God to manifest opportunities for you to speak these messages to your children. They will feel the love you have for them as their parent and greater love will be shared between you.
Newborn ( 0-9 months old):
Developmental Need: To be validated for “being who you are.”
“Welcome to the world, we’ve been eagerly waiting for you.”
“We have prepared a special place for you.”
“All your needs are important to us. We will provide for you willingly.”
“God smiled the day you were born.”
Infancy ( 9 – 18 months old):
Developmental Need: Supported in exploring, sensing and doing in the world.
“It’s okay to be curious, to want, to look, to touch, and to taste things.”
“We will make it safe for you to explore.”
“We love you just the way you are.”
“We are here to take care of your needs. You do not have to take care of ours.”
Toddler (18 months – 3 years old):
Developmental Need: Supported in learning to express in your own true voice your thoughts, ideas and feelings about life.
“Its okay to say what you think and feel.”
“How you think and feel is important to us.”
“We love you even if we think differently.”
“We love it when you share your ideas.”
Preschooler ( 3 – 6 years):
Developmental Need: Coming into your own identity and power.
“It is okay for you to test your boundaries and find out your limits.”
“We will set appropriate limits for you to keep you safe and help you find out who you are.”
“We like your energy; we like your curiosity about life.”
“It’s okay for you to think for yourself, and we will think for ourselves.”
School-Age ( 6 – 12 years):
Developmental Need: Fitting in, having structure, knowing and learning.
“You can be your own unique self at school.”
“There is no one you have to please.”
“It’s okay to learn to do things your own way.”
“It’s okay to think about things and try them out before you make them your own.”
Adolescence ( 13 – 18 years):
Developmental Need: Separating and creating independence from family.
“You can take all the time you need to grow up.”
“You can know who you are and learn and practice skills for independence.”
“You can grow in your maleness and femaleness.”
“You can still feel dependent at times.”
Affirm your children often with these validating phrases. Affirm your own inner child to finally receive love, respect, and support.
Fulfill your sacred obligation of being the safest, kindest, most loving, affirming parent you can be. You cannot give a child too much validation. God created us to be loved and validated.
These are just a few of the many affirmations that validate your children through each emotional stage of their growing years.
The statements above were taken from Carol Tuttle’s book, “Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the 21st Century” which I highly recommend for every parent to purchase.
Disclaimer: The link above is not an affiliate link. The author is not paid if you buy from the above link. It is a direct link to buy in India.
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